• I rarely do posts in series form, so this will be a new adventure for me.
• After my little teaser yesterday, I received quite a few emails and comments asking me to start blogging on these issues ASAP (in other words, don't wait 2 months to start
• I'm going to break these posts up into several parts, so they aren't quite as lengthy.
• Some of these might be really controversial to some people and maybe some people won't even give a rip, but here we go.

Apparently, it's my problem if men find me intimidating:
So, I have written about this briefly in the past and have talked to many people about it before, but I decided it was time I took this one head on.

Since I became a believer in 1997, I have become a radically different person. To make a long story short, I discovered who I was. I found my identity in Christ alone and have grown quite comfortable in my own skin.  I have always been smart, opinionated, and out-going.

I have been told my men and women alike, that I am intimidating to men, and that is why I remain single. Now, please understand, when I've been told this I have never been complaining about my singleness (because I'm quite content in my singleness), I have not been seeking information on why I am still single, nor have I been speaking about relationships.  The people who have told me this have always felt compelled to give me the information, even though I had not solicited it.  It always catches me off guard and I rarely know how to respond. I always think of how to respond later, but its usually too late to bring it up.

As I have sought to know what the honk it means that men would find me intimidating, I find a variety of answers:

• You're too smart, you seem to be well-informed on many things...no man could keep up with you or he would constantly feel belittled/disrespected/emasculated around you.
• You have a calling on your life already (men either want you to fit into theirs or discover your calling/purpose/dreams with them).
• You want to adopt or not have any kids at all....men want to have kids of their own, ya know to carry on their names, etc.
• You're too much of a realist/cynical/unromantic. Men like women who want to be swept of their feet, have a story book wedding, settle down and raise a family.  You're too non-traditional.
• You're standards to ridiculously high.
• You have an opinion on everything.
• You seem to be very solid in your beliefs/theology...how could a man lead you or help you grow?
• You’re too serious
• You’re too silly
• You’re too loud and abrasive.
• You don’t seem like you could ever submit to anyone.

OK. I’ll stop. I could go on and on, but you get the point.

Before everyone gets all worked up and you say that I’m over-generalizing men, and it’s not fair to say they all would be intimidated by that list or any of the things on that list…I want to remind you that I did not say they are. Other people have told me they would be intimidated by me because of these things.

So, ASSUMING IT’S TRUE that men are intimidated by any or all of these things, I’ve got a few problems.

1. I can’t do anything about it, unless they are things that God convicts me to change. If something is in the fabric of my being, the way I’m wired, or just part of who I am…to ask me to change that won’t work.  God has to do the changing. In some ways I know he has made me gentler and has taught me to hold my tongue when I would rather speak up. That’s the work of the Spirit.

2. I’m not going to change, just so I can get married. I know that sounds like I wouldn’t ever compromise to meet in the middle with people. I just mean, that I’m not going to stop being who I am just so I can find someone who will marry me, just to surprise him with who I really am later.  I think that happens all too often in dating relationships and I won’t be a part of that nonsense.

3. I refuse to believe that if I am supposed to get married, that these things about me will make me unattractive to the man I am suppose to marry.  In fact, I imagine that these will be the very things that make me a perfect compliment to him or what he finds attractive about me.

4. If it’s the case that these things are insurmountable for the man who is supposed to marry me, then God’s doing one lousy job of changing me.  I have and do seek to live my life submitted to GOD alone.  I am constantly asking him to grow me, challenge me, change me, search me and have his way in me.  If that is the case, and He hasn’t called me out on these things…my God is too small and essentially powerless.

Since I refuse to believe that my God is powerless, I refuse to believe that I am too intimidating for the right man.

5. I am called to the mission, as we all are. Where I serve is semi-negotiable. I would like to serve in China, but I hold all callings and dreams with an open-hand and realize that God can take away and redirect as he pleases. I refuse to let China become my God. I refuse to let the work I do to honor God become my God.  Having said that, I do have God-given dreams of going and I’m not ready to just dump that out the window because some hottie comes along who would rather climb the corporate ladder, have his wife and 2.5 children and a dog.  Sorry!  It will take a huge intervention from God to have me go that route.

6. Please don’t assume that I am judging you if you are climbing the corporate ladder, and have a wife, 2.5 children and a dog….if that is what God has called you to, let no man/woman/thing hold you back from it. I am just not called to it, so I can’t settle for anything less than God is calling me to.

I have more thoughts on this, but I really must go.  I might continue this tomorrow, or I might move on to the next topic.  What say you?